Things to Consider about Living Together with Your Partner
Thinking of moving in with your partner? Don’t—until you’ve answered the following questions:
- Why are we moving in together? Money? Safety? Best friends? Trying out a pre-marriage? The next thing to do? Afraid you’ll lose your partner?
- How long will you live like this? What would make you change your goals or time frame?
- What are your views on commitment? Do you want a marriage certificate? If so, what are the obstacles to moving toward that decision?
- Are you hoping that living together will “fix” a problem?
- How will you handle your finances and ownerships? Is one person “carrying the financial weight? If so, why?
- On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 the highest, how would you rate your ambivalence/uncertainty score about your feelings toward this person?
- On a scale of 1to 10, with 10 the highest, how would you rate your Proud of Yourself score?
Now that you've thought about these questions, here is some research information about couples who live together. Of course, every situation is different. Use the questions above and the information below as a general guide.
Research continues to show that living together does not necessarily guarantee happiness. In fact, living together just might INCREASE your chances of divorce or break ups. I know that sounds strange, but here is why: There is a world of difference between living together and getting married. Getting married is not just a matter of a piece of paper. It is an event that carries great weight in your national culture, family--and in your state of mind.
If you are not ready to marry your partner, one of the reasons might be your doubts about your choice of mate. Living together seems acceptable--but marriage does not yet seem so.
And yes, there are ALWAYS exceptions that might involve finances, family circumstances, health issues, finishing school or waiting to hear about a new job.
Rushing a relationship toward marriage, however, is never a good idea. Life circumstances such as recovering from a serious illness, financial problems, experiencing a rape or assault or the illness or death of a parent can propel a person to rush toward marriage--or living together.
Think before you move in together. If you are still in doubt, ask yourself these last questions:
1. Would I want my family to know?
2. Do I think my partner would also make a great spouse?
3. If I could jump to the future and had an adult child, would I want that child to choose this person?
If you are still in doubt, don't move in together.
Best of luck.
LB